I miss my mom
Early lunch and then a movie
It didn’t matter what was playing
As we walked up
We picked the next one showing
We would race to the box office from our separate cars
To decide who would get to pay
And the other of us would get popcorn and Coke Zero

I miss those easy Sunday afternoons
The updates from the hospital
From her church friends
Her laughter
Her listening

view from above

i understand now

that it’s not a shattered heart

an ignored body

an empty hollow chest

a too tired brain

an exhausted soul

this broken lens this shield over my eyes

this frame I have overlaid

clouded by my fear 

splintered with my doubt

my view has been distorted and twisted

i hold my breath and break the surface 

the cold water stings 

and clears my view

relieved, i feel my heart strongly pumping

my chest fills with hope  

and the remaining space is possibility

present

her jeans and denim shirt in my closet
the borrowed book on my nightstand
her light white scarf over dark blue of my couch
she is present in so many parts of me
she marks me
changes me
sees me

so I wrap myself in her
and wait
and hope

🍀✨❤️

indies

my hand on her neck

and I can feel her voice vibrating

in her chest

and in mine

last night

i am nervous and my belly is churning
hi how are you   how was your day
and she unzips her jacket
beneath the blue scarf
i can see she is wearing my shirt
my heart races
and i cannot stop smiling
she takes off her jacket
the loud restaurant covers my gasp
and we are both staring
her shoulders
her arms
she is so beautiful
and I cannot stop smiling

i replay her kiss
her hands pulling my hair
reread each word
feeling it all wash over me again
and i cannot stop

i would have

i would have rested my hand on your leg
i would have checked my coat
with my hands free
i would have reached for you
i would have leaned in
pressed myself against you
i would have caught your eye and held it
i would have run my fingers down your neck
held my hand on your chest
i would have told you more

and for me it grew each day i saw you
each day we talked
and the afternoon flowed over
into a cocktail and dinner and a nightcap
and a can’t wait to go upstairs

and i am grateful for everything exactly as it was
and exactly as it is
i made it to today
to this

unfold

i am excited
and my brain spins   tries to order things
define them define this
and my heart whispers:
stay in this gorgeous moment
walk back towards vulnerable sweet woman
be present  open  unfold
trust her   trust this