i am tired and a little sad

ready for this long looming change to swoop in and carry me

into my new house my new role my far away dream

i am tired of waiting working timing planning

i stubbornly try to pout my way into being all these things

and as if i can outlast it outsmart it

angry impatient snappy me that isnt really me at all

part of me that i dont like

deny

avoid

and here i am in the deep end

angry

impatient

and i struggle to remember how to get to the side

how to find the edge and crawl out

and i close my eyes and think about midnight swimming
my ears just under the surface
stress worry anger muffled silenced by the water
floating under the stars
birthing all these lovely dreams
breathe my dear breathe