heavy heart
remembering my father
and the 29 years of my life in which he loomed large
in my decisions my outlook my path
and the 15 years since
shattered at first
shell shocked and foggy
and slowly finding myself again
clouds lifting to discover a new path
funny stories and long ago pictures
seared on my soul
tatooed on my heart
the time before and after so deeply divided
seperate lives somehow
and the mending process is so gd long
knitting back together the pre and post
hard to imagine my life now
without this scar
and i run my fingers over it
flashes of soccer games and foot races
big dogs snowy vacations
rugby jerseys and maroon coach's shorts
flat top
and his big leather breifcase
sometimes filled with computer printouts
sometimes with guns and ammo
i long for a bear hug the smell of old spice
and homemade pizza on a sunday afternoon
