quiet

she asked if I was ok
again and again
the tears fell onto my green dress
and dried leaving little flags of sadness on my chest
gaping open and exposed
i tried to skip past it calm down breathe
i didnt expect this and somehow also created it
i dont know where to go next how to move through this
slip anonymously through but am fighting to keep from screaming out in the middle of the meeting of the call to random people i hardly know
move forward move one step forward

in empty moments i rush to fill the space
do more read something watch something else
no stillness no more quiet air

i am tired of running and trying and smiling

...

new day

as it opens in me around me
its beginning to come into focus
the grand idea of on my own in my own way

shiny marbles in the old rolaids jar
neat stacks of patterned fabric on the wire shelves
workhorse sewing machine ready for me
butterfly ideas flying through me
everything gorgeous fabulous perched on the edge of almost

this month
sketchbook project overflowing with our NYC trip
crazy quilt full of joyous not straight lines
gifting to clear more space in my world
writing to clear more space in my brain

happiness requires action

and courage