birthday

her breath deepens as she slips into sleep

away from my embrace

away from me

and it's hard not to bruise

these soft tender spots cover me

and my eyes fill with tears

the fire is almost out

no more kindling    no more wood

I stack together the remenents 

hoping it is enough to burn

my own hands on my body

my own whisper fills the falling darkness

and I begin again to close the gap

what are you most excited about
and the table is blurry through the tears in my eyes
they all know my answer
most excited
most nervous
most hopefull
i think it washed over my face
big bold words on my forehead

later i heard the words tumble out of my mouth
change is hard
and i wanted so much to waive them off
like smoke hanging heavy around me
catch the letters
tear them into pieces