last night

i am nervous and my belly is churning
hi how are you   how was your day
and she unzips her jacket
beneath the blue scarf
i can see she is wearing my shirt
my heart races
and i cannot stop smiling
she takes off her jacket
the loud restaurant covers my gasp
and we are both staring
her shoulders
her arms
she is so beautiful
and I cannot stop smiling

i replay her kiss
her hands pulling my hair
reread each word
feeling it all wash over me again
and i cannot stop

i would have

i would have rested my hand on your leg
i would have checked my coat
with my hands free
i would have reached for you
i would have leaned in
pressed myself against you
i would have caught your eye and held it
i would have run my fingers down your neck
held my hand on your chest
i would have told you more

and for me it grew each day i saw you
each day we talked
and the afternoon flowed over
into a cocktail and dinner and a nightcap
and a can’t wait to go upstairs

and i am grateful for everything exactly as it was
and exactly as it is
i made it to today
to this

unfold

i am excited
and my brain spins   tries to order things
define them define this
and my heart whispers:
stay in this gorgeous moment
walk back towards vulnerable sweet woman
be present  open  unfold
trust her   trust this

wednesday

in that grey shadow 

just outside the reach of the light

we walk through the uncharted

exploring the edges of new

finding each other’s hands 

drawing a gentle outline of all this

small plates and shared wine and sushi

i love this night i love this space 

the stories the laughter

the gorgeous risks

the ease

and i have to remind myself to breathe

sunday

there is a soft low hum of electricity
in my legs in my chest in my head
and my cheeks are flushed
it’s a gorgeous feeling
and I am grate*full