looking

hiding in a bathroom stall
just for a moment of privacy and space and quiet

my voice is shaky and the tears stream down my face
at the most mundane moments
terrible and honest and authentic
and devastating

i am trying to find a fix for this tightness in my throat
for the hard and sad that is camped in my chest

her work schedule means I sleep alone quite often
last night purposefully as she slept in the other room
I am not sure how to be in this world
I am not sure how to find a softer gentler place
so I shower and work and breathe and cry
and keep looking