cambridge

it was simple and all consuming
i timed my walk through the store to see her
to brush my hand against hers in the tight space of the office
beautiful fair skin glowing round face long fiery hair tucked behind her ears
and i held that picture that feeling
until the next call  the next round through the store

she is smoking
leather jacket over dyed levi's doc martin boots leaning against the brick wall
waiting for the delivery 
krishna tells stories about the show last night
i nod along with the conversation
waiting for those couple moments
to walk back upstairs feel her hand on the small of my back
our pause on the landing
another picture to carry me through the day

we sat at the kitchen table drinking beer laughing
she told me she loved him and that they were getting married
and I couldn't breathe and my mind raced
and i watched more and more and more words splatter onto the table
and the edges closed in

the betsy johnson dress was deliciously blood red
unexpected irreverent
and i watched her pull the white tissue out of the pink box
she smiled and kissed my face
i felt everything drain out of me
everything left in that box on the table

she watched nervously as i packed 
trying to get all my clothes into the last three boxes
she grabbed my hand and told me she loved me
numb   confused 
already committed to a new start
alone too long in that flush
too scared to trust her
to trust anything