slipping

i don't want to forget

that excruciatingly long morning waiting for the news
relieved  scared  excited when he finally called
crying and laughing and how hot my face felt
that first deep breath knowing     
hands on my belly
my whispered songs of encouragement
quieting my fear

and it started ending 
slowly
and then the afternoon in the office
the blur of the week that followed



i drew an arrow on my arm
black sharpie from the crook of my elbow to my wrist
dotted with the moon 
from new to full to a waning sliver 
like my eight weeks with that tiny almost my baby
something I can see and touch 

a record of that slow slip from soon
to some day towards maybe we were built for a different life
to heavy stillness towards today

new moon
new day
new start