to find my way

there are dark narrow alleys
shadows
old hurts
and barriers
and bruises
all parts of me ache
as I trip through
knees scraped  palms raw

all those evenings
building my pathway
translating my feelings into a map
over and over again testing and recording
I still do not understand it all
I do not remember all the right steps     all the safe steps
and so I stumble and fall    over and over again

tonight I pause to catch my breath
to rest       to remember
I am scared of these side streets
and maybe that's the part I didn't write down

fear darkens my steps
I need to calm my pounding heart
breathe
trust that my palms will heal
trust that my heart knows the best way