misaligned

her hands on mine   on my leg

and the softness of the valley of her elbow

and her lips and her eyes and we fit together in a way that feels easy 

amazing 

electric 

gentle 

and she sees me in a way that is new and scary and great 

and pushes me past my history   my less than   my not enough

she is in my heart 

and with each vulnerable moment my heart is more raw  more exposed 

and my life spins around me 

and i react from the shadows of my past 

and she reacts to my reaction 

its hard and disorienting and doesnt make sense

she is struggling and sad 

and we cross past each other in this jumble

and I am hurting her 

my broken pieces and my sharp edges are cutting her

and i dont understand

how i feel so loved and so much love for her 

and still can't figure out how to grind down my jagged parts 

to create the opening she longs for

and I can't find her hand in this confusion 

or the words to reassure her and explain 

my heart aches

my words fall flat and i awkwardly stumble

and then fall deeper into my own sadness